In one word? BUSY!!
Life got so crazy when we got the boys. It was a big adjustment taking care of two --and now three-- extra kids, but honestly, taking care of the kids has been the easy part. What is hard is all the appointments, visitations, therapies, plus the normal family and household stuff.
Visitation has been the biggest consumption of time and by far the biggest source of stress. G has went from having two visits a week with his mom and then two with his dad for 1 1/2 hours each, then down to one a week with his mom for 3 hours and 3 a week with his dad still at the 1 1/2 hour time frame, and now to 1 hour a week with his mom and 4 visits for 8 hours each with his dad. It has been crazy. I have made uncountable trips to visitations. At least now, his dad brings him back to our town after his visit and I just meet him. W's visits have been more stable at 3-4 a week for 4 hours each in his mom's home (which is in the opposite direction as G's). His are more simple just because of the fact his dad is in jail and therefore doesn't visit. And Z goes to the same visit as G with their mom, so that isn't any extra trips. His dad was granted weekend visits, but hasn't done one or even seen Z since he was placed with us in November. So right now, we have 8 visits spread between Monday and Saturday. BUSY!!
Fostering has been a big test of our patience too. I would consider Nathan and I both fairly patient people, but we have both been tested pretty good through all this. Foster kids tend to have behaviors as a result of their environment that take a new kind of patience than we had experienced before. The first Z, who was 3 1/2, tested our patience the most, obviously because he was the oldest and most verbal. He was overall a good little boy, but would hit and pinch a lot. He also just demanded a lot of my attention, which I tried to give him because I felt like he needed some extra attention after all he had been through. And, because was older, he knew who his parents were, loved them despite everything, and wanted to be with them. I think a part of him thought that if he misbehaved enough, I would get fed up and send him back to his parents. He would do things like, any time I told him "no" for anything he would say "I'm telling my mom on you!". Let me tell you, if you want a test of your patience, try having a 3 year old threaten to tell on you to the person who treated him like crap and beat the daylights out of his baby brother! Several times I wanted to tell him how I felt about his statement, but I didn't, thank goodness.
The other issue we had with big Z came after his weekends with his dad. We would finally be making progress with his behavior and then Friday night would come and he would be gone until Sunday evening. Then, it was like we started from scratch all over again. I know his dad loves him and wants what's best for him, but I also know his dad's parenting style and expectations are very different from ours. We are starting to have this trouble with G. He goes to his dad's 4 days a week from 8 am till 4 pm. I think he is being taken care of over there, but again, it's just a different lifestyle than here and G is getting stuck in the middle. He is at an age where he really understands a lot about what is going on around him, but he doesn't have any way to express himself besides throwing temper tantrums --which we are seeing a lot of--. I think G will settle into a routine soon and adjust to everything because he is so young, at least for our sanity I hope he does.
Speaking of behaviors as a result of their environment, Z (that we have now) had so much going on when he came. He barely talked, but was fluent in four letter words. Not only could he say swear words, but he used them appropriately! Imagine this tiny 2 1/2 year old playing with his truck, when it falls off the table and out of his mouth comes "Oh, F$&@!". There's not much you can say to that! And the thing about it was, he wasn't saying these things to get a reaction from us or push our buttons, it was simply the way he talked. We ignored it and within about two weeks the bad language had disappeared. Z had lots of other behaviors, but I will tell you about them in a later post.
But fostering isn't all stress and headaches. It has been so rewarding to watch changes take place in the boys. Z went from being scared of his own shadow to running around the house chasing the girls and squealing with laughter. G went from a bruised up 6 month old who couldn't sit up, roll over, or support his own weight when you held him upright, to a typical and happy baby. Both boys have gained weight and are catching up on the growth charts.
So, being a foster parent is pretty challenging, time consuming, stress inducing, and REWARDING!
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