Update on Mr. W

We went to court today for W's mom's initial termination hearing.  The dad's hearing was last week and he of course denied the termination (since this is all a conspiracy against him and all). 

We waited in the waiting area (which was packed) for about an hour and a half.  I hate that part. We always sit by W's mom, it would be weird to walk past her and sit across the room.  So anyway, there we are sitting by her, with the CASA on the other side and the case manager there too.  We all want to talk about the case because we don't have that many chances to get caught up on any changes that may be going on.  But, we can't really talk because the mom is sitting there, so we all scramble around to find something to talk about for what feels like an eternity.  The whole time the mom is sitting there looking like she could break down at any moment. Its stressful.

So, finally the caseworker called us back to the hall outside the court room because we were next.  We waited out there for another 10 or 15 minutes.  Well, Nathan gets fed up with everyone walking on egg shells all the time when he feels like they should be more upfront.  So, he says to the caseworker, while the mom is standing right there, "I just hope this all gets done soon, W is getting big enough that its going to start affecting him".  No one really says anything, but I'm pretty sure I felt daggers coming from the moms eyes and heading toward Nathan. 

So we went into the court room finally. The judge went through some technical stuff with the mom as far as what termination means and why DCS was requesting it.  He told her she could accept these charges and waive her right to a trial, but then he said he was accepting her denial.  I wasn't sure how he knew she wanted to deny since he didn't ask her, but that's what happened.  I'm sure she would have denied anyway. 

Then a weird thing happened.  The mom's lawyer started whispering to her and then he told the judge she wanted more visit time.  Where did that come from? We were there for termination.  The time for more visits has past (quite a long time ago!). The caseworker explained to the judge that she had planned to reduce visits soon because it was nearing termination.  The judge didn't make a decision right then, but said he will likely keep visit time at DCS discretion. 

Also, a fact finding hearing was not set because a status hearing was set for April 8.  I have never heard of a status hearing and I don't know why he set it. But he made it clear that the mom did not need to be there for it.  I guess, after this status hearing takes place, the fact finding will be scheduled.  All I took from that was this is all going to drag out longer. 

So, not much happened today and it took a long time to get that accomplished. 

Bonding

Everyone talks a lot about bonding with adopted kids.  Its a very important part of building a relationship between a parent and child.  The child needs to feel they are loved and need to feel attached to the parent and those feelings need to be reciprocated by the parent.  Its a long process and can be trying at times, but its so important.

With W, bonding hasn't been much of an issue, it just happened naturally.  We got W when he was 3 months old, so he has never known any family but us. He developed a bond with us just like a biological child would have.

But, Alexander has been different.  He was able to develop a bond and feel attached to me pretty quickly.  But, I had to put forth a lot of effort in the process.  I took 4 weeks off work when he came to us.  I spent those weeks spending as much time with him as possible. I tried to make sure I was as close to him physically as I could be, while not making him uncomfortable.  I gave him tons of hugs, and just touched him as much as I could.  I held him a lot.  I held his hand.  I made sure I was right there to comfort him when he fell down or was scared.  Of course I do those things for all the kids, but I put it into overdrive with Alexander. 

All of this bonding thing was on my mind today because I realized we are still forming that bond together.  I think bonding is an ongoing process with all kids (bio or otherwise), but even more so with Alexander. 

Today, Alexander had an eye appointment at Riley.  He had failed a vision screening at the doctor when we first got him so the doctor referred us to Riley.  He got the all clear today, so no more follow-ups are needed.  Anyway, Alexander spent the whole day with Nathan and I today.  He was really good at his appointment, but he was a little leery the whole time because he wasn't sure what was going to happen.  Because he felt uncomfortable, he made sure to stick close to Nathan and I. 

Now, that we are home, he's still right by my side.  He just came up to me and put his head on me and gave me a big hug.  He gives me hugs a lot, but he is not a lovey-dovey kid. So the fact that he has come up and hugged me several times today is really out of the norm for him. Sometimes I wonder if Alexander isn't overly lovey with us because he isn't a person who likes to cuddle, or is it a result of him not having the same bond with us yet. Either way, I am still seeing him build a stronger bond with us as time passes, even though he was been with us for so long. I guess I didn't think about this process continuing on for this long. But in a way, it makes sense. All relationships are always evolving.