Bonding

Everyone talks a lot about bonding with adopted kids.  Its a very important part of building a relationship between a parent and child.  The child needs to feel they are loved and need to feel attached to the parent and those feelings need to be reciprocated by the parent.  Its a long process and can be trying at times, but its so important.

With W, bonding hasn't been much of an issue, it just happened naturally.  We got W when he was 3 months old, so he has never known any family but us. He developed a bond with us just like a biological child would have.

But, Alexander has been different.  He was able to develop a bond and feel attached to me pretty quickly.  But, I had to put forth a lot of effort in the process.  I took 4 weeks off work when he came to us.  I spent those weeks spending as much time with him as possible. I tried to make sure I was as close to him physically as I could be, while not making him uncomfortable.  I gave him tons of hugs, and just touched him as much as I could.  I held him a lot.  I held his hand.  I made sure I was right there to comfort him when he fell down or was scared.  Of course I do those things for all the kids, but I put it into overdrive with Alexander. 

All of this bonding thing was on my mind today because I realized we are still forming that bond together.  I think bonding is an ongoing process with all kids (bio or otherwise), but even more so with Alexander. 

Today, Alexander had an eye appointment at Riley.  He had failed a vision screening at the doctor when we first got him so the doctor referred us to Riley.  He got the all clear today, so no more follow-ups are needed.  Anyway, Alexander spent the whole day with Nathan and I today.  He was really good at his appointment, but he was a little leery the whole time because he wasn't sure what was going to happen.  Because he felt uncomfortable, he made sure to stick close to Nathan and I. 

Now, that we are home, he's still right by my side.  He just came up to me and put his head on me and gave me a big hug.  He gives me hugs a lot, but he is not a lovey-dovey kid. So the fact that he has come up and hugged me several times today is really out of the norm for him. Sometimes I wonder if Alexander isn't overly lovey with us because he isn't a person who likes to cuddle, or is it a result of him not having the same bond with us yet. Either way, I am still seeing him build a stronger bond with us as time passes, even though he was been with us for so long. I guess I didn't think about this process continuing on for this long. But in a way, it makes sense. All relationships are always evolving.