There have been times when I thought he would go back to his biological mom through this, and knowing he is here to stay is a relief. A part of me feels for his mom still though. She is a nice person and has so much potential to be a good parent. I also know that she was given great support and motivation to get clean and she continued to choose other things over her son. And, I know that she made these choices fully knowing that the result would he loosing her son permanently. Still, it's a bittersweet thing to be be happy about adding a child when it means someone else has lost them.
All that being said, I am so grateful for all the congratulations we have gotten recently. Isaiah is a very loved and lucky little boy.
We have decided to withdraw our foster license now that Isaiah is adopted. It was a pretty easy decision, I mean 4 kids is really enough! But Nathan and I both want to foster older children once ours are much older. There is such a need for homes for older children and we both feel we can help with that.
Over the past 5 years, so many people have made comments to us about how they could never be foster parents. It has to be, by far, the most common comment we hear. I wish people didn't see foster care that way. Yes, you are taking another child into your home. Yes, you "get attached" to them. Yes, they may go back home. But think of the good you are doing during the time these kids are in your home. Doesn't every child deserve to have a good home, whether that's with a biological parent, foster parent, or adoptive parent? Doesn't every child deserve to know what it means to have healthy relationships with others? Isn't raising any child difficult and challenging at times? Being a parent is hard. Being a foster parent is hard. But both are worthwhile and rewarding jobs. Is being a foster parent the right thing for everyone? No. But neither is being a parent. Neither is being a teacher, or an accountant, or a farmer. We are all different and have different strengths and different interests. But I think if more people knew what being a foster parent entailed, they wouldn't be so skeptical about it. Are some foster kids challenging? Of course they are. They have been abused or neglected, or otherwise influenced by adults who are making poor decisions. Is parenting these children easy? No, of course not. But life isn't easy and accepting challenges, especially challenges that help others, is very rewarding.
The other comment we get is that adopting is too expensive. The response to that is very easy. We have had no cost to adopt from foster care. None. In fact, each child who is considered special needs, meaning they are over two years old or part of a sibling group, qualifies for a monthly stipend until they turn 18. They also get medicaid until they are 18, so there isn't even any medical costs for these kids. So, cost is not a factor when adopting from foster care.
Our time as foster parents has been an education to both of us. We have seen into the lives of people who live very different from us. We have learned a lot from those people too. We have had two boys live with us for 3 months and 2 years, then return home to their families. We have had another two boys come into our home and become permanent members of our family. Our family has grown through the greatest way possible, love.
We are happy to be finished with caseworker visits (no offense caseworkers!), done with court, no more visitations, done with therapist and case manager visits, finished with the uncertainty of wondering if one of our kids would stay or go home. But, we are thankful we had those experiences too.
If anyone ever has any questions about adoption through foster care or about foster care itself, Nathan and I are always happy to answer them. We love talking about fostering and our experiences.
Happy New Year from the Coe's!
The other comment we get is that adopting is too expensive. The response to that is very easy. We have had no cost to adopt from foster care. None. In fact, each child who is considered special needs, meaning they are over two years old or part of a sibling group, qualifies for a monthly stipend until they turn 18. They also get medicaid until they are 18, so there isn't even any medical costs for these kids. So, cost is not a factor when adopting from foster care.
Our time as foster parents has been an education to both of us. We have seen into the lives of people who live very different from us. We have learned a lot from those people too. We have had two boys live with us for 3 months and 2 years, then return home to their families. We have had another two boys come into our home and become permanent members of our family. Our family has grown through the greatest way possible, love.
We are happy to be finished with caseworker visits (no offense caseworkers!), done with court, no more visitations, done with therapist and case manager visits, finished with the uncertainty of wondering if one of our kids would stay or go home. But, we are thankful we had those experiences too.
If anyone ever has any questions about adoption through foster care or about foster care itself, Nathan and I are always happy to answer them. We love talking about fostering and our experiences.
Happy New Year from the Coe's!
