This could get mushy.....

I just love my family! 

We have been so busy for the past few months with house building stuff, that we just haven't had two seconds to spend all together.  Nathan has been working at the house from 6 am until he can't move any longer every day that he isn't at work, and after work on most work days.  Meanwhile, I have been at home taking care of things here, making suppers, getting baths done, doing laundry, and putting everyone to bed.  Then, packing when I can so it won't be so much to do all at once. 

Nathan and Dad finished up the perimeter drain they have been working on the past several days at about 10:30 this morning. --Nathan left the house before 6 this morning, I think, I wasn't exactly awake.  But since he was getting home so early in the day, we decided to go somewhere for the rest of the day.  When I said Daddy was coming home so we could go somewhere, you would have thought it was the first time we had ever done something together.  The girls packed up all kinds of things to do in the car.  Mr. Z kept saying, "I want Daddy to go too".  When I told him we were all going, he didn't seem to comprehend what I was talking about.  I think this day together was LONG overdue.

So, we headed to IKEA.  We are pretty sure its ok to take foster kids out of state for the day.  At first we were under the impression we couldn't without permission, but then someone (I think Sarah) said we could go for the day, so we took that as good enough and haven't asked for clarification since!  Even though the only thing we had on the agenda was picking up some things for the house, we all had so much fun. 

We stopped at Wendy's for some lunch to go.  Then, we ran into Home Depot to pick up a tarp to cover up our IKEA finds.  We don't have a Home Depot close to us, so we rarely are there, but they have the neatest carts!  There was one shaped like a truck with a spot for the boys to sit with steering wheels so they could drive.  I didn't think Z was going to get out.  W liked it too.  We got about 5 minutes away when Nathan said, "Did you get the stuff out of the cart?!"  Of course I hadn't, I was loading up W, and he didn't, he was loading up Z.  Plus it was raining a little so we were hurrying to get into the car.  He turned around and hurried back.  It wasn't hard to spot our cart, it was still in the parking lot and it was shaped like a giant orange truck.  Sure enough it was empty.  Not only had the tarp we just bought been in there, but my diaper bag was in there too.  So, Nathan went in to see if anyone had turned it in.  No one had.  Poor W had to get through the day with un-thickened formula (thankfully I had formula in the car), but it was in the same bottle I just kept rinsing out.  It won't hurt a kid to drink the wrong consistency of formula from a somewhat dirty bottle, right?

Finally, we made it to IKEA.  The girls loved helping to pick things, especially when something was for their room.  Z looked all over that store like he had never been in such a place.  When we were looking at the rugs, he kept walking in between them and then popping back out, giggling the whole time.  When we were leaving, Addison decided it must be supper time, so Hannah quickly suggested we eat at Cracker Barrel.  I don't know why they love that place so much.  But all the kids did great.  Z told us when he had to potty, he is learning that we react pretty quick when he says those magic words; "I've got to potty!".  W did great today.  He rode in the stroller all through the store and never cried the entire time in the car.  Hannah was a great help in the baby entertainment department too.  The girls even were on hiatis from arguing today.  The only time they got in trouble was when they were having a little too much fun and were so loud in the car, we couldn't stand it any more.

So, we had a fun day.  And I love my family!

Whoa! I want off for a few minutes!!

This foster care roller coaster has been on over drive lately and it's getting a bit old. I talked to W's caseworker yesterday and she let me know she is still planning to place W with his aunt (the dad's sister).  She wants the aunt to start coming to visits when he visits with his mom so a bond can be formed between W and his aunt.  After two weeks, she wants the aunt to start her own visits and reduce the time and frequency of the mom's visits so W can transition into his aunt's home.  The caseworker expects W could be with his aunt full time within 6 weeks to two months tops.  I'm not sure how I feel about this plan, but my opinion doesn't pull any weight in these things, so it doesn't matter how I feel really.  

Then I talked to the CASA and she told me she wasn't comfortable with the aunt.  She felt like if the aunt truly wanted W, she would have found a way to be involved in this process.  Really, she hasn't expressed she wants W since the judge said no at the very beginning.  Plus, there is the issue of her age.  She is into her 60's and taking on a baby to raise on her own could be too much for her. 

So, as of yesterday, I was pretty sure W would be going to his aunt's soon.  Because, ultimately, it comes down to what the caseworker believes is best even though the CASA disagrees.   But, with the judge on this case, who knows.  He changed the plan to termination at the last hearing without the caseworker recommending it.  So who knows.

Then another roller coaster ride came along.  The CASA called me to let me know the meeting with the dad didn't happen yesterday because he wasn't able to "figure out the bus schedule" to get there.  But she is submitting a request to the court that visits between W and his dad never happen.  She also wanted to tell me she is submitting her report which says her recommendation is for W to be adopted by us.  I was pretty excited to hear that.  Again, her report is just a recommendation, but still. 

I was about to call Nathan to relay this to him when my phone rang again.  It was the CASA again.  She had just gotten an email from the caseworker saying a family member had come forward and said they are interested in having W.  This is a family member from the dad's side.  They live about 2 hours away.  The man works in law enforcement and I don't know about the lady. 

Geese, couldn't we have an hour on the same path before someone threw the switch on the tracks?! 

The CASA apologized for giving me two completely different scenarios in such a short time.  I was a bit taken aback by this new development, but its not something she needed to apologize about.   I told her we knew this was an uncertain road we were traveling.  And, yes, we would love to adopt W.  We love him already and he has been a part of our family since he was a tiny baby.  But because we love him, we want what is best for him.  Until I know more about this new family, being with us is what I feel is best.  But who knows, this family may be great.  The fact that the man is a police officer makes me feel better.  I have worried that the aunt wouldn't be able to keep W safe if the dad came by and decided he was taking him. 

So, now we have no idea what to expect from this whole situation.   Maybe we will know more tomorrow.  Or maybe tomorrow will bring something new!

Feeling the stress!

I have said several times how foster care is so unpredictable and never goes how we expect. Today was no exception!
We have had W with us for more than 10 months now.  Throughout this entire time, everything has been about his mom and whether she can take care him.  --Which has been a roller coaster in itself-- But the dad has not been discussed much because its cut and dry with him, he broke four of W's ribs at two different times, has a violent history, and he has been in jail and not around to be on anyone's radar.  Well, he was released from prison last week.  The caseworker contacted him and he said over and over he is "willing to do whatever it takes to get his son".  Because he said that, DCS is obligated to offer him services.

Services can include anger management classes, parenting classes, counseling, and/or visitation. Visitation is the one that's getting me. How can anyone allow this man to visit with any child, let alone W.  I don't know that visits will happen but it is a possibility.

I just got off the phone with the CASA and she's strongly against visits. She also feels vists with the mom need to be greatly reduced.  She also doesn't feel like the aunt is the best place for W either.  --Basically, she feels like this case has gone on long enough, the parents have already proved they aren't parent material, and W needs to be in a good permanent home ASAP.  I have to say I agree with her.  I am so thankful for CASAs! 

So, we still know nothing.  W could be starting visits with his dad.  Visits with mom could be reduced.  Placement with the aunt may or may not still be on the table.  I don't know!  Frustrating!

With all of this uncertainty with W, I can't help but question things with Z.  I just can't imagine him leaving, but his case could still drag on for quite a while.  His mom is a pretty good actor and can really lay on the act when she knows it counts.  It scares me that she will do just enough that the judge may keep things going for a long time.  I know there is a case in the county that is fairly similar to Z's that is more than two years into it.  We are just over a year.  I can't imagine this going on another year.  Not just for my sanity (which would be in jeopardy!) But for Z's wellbeing.   Every week that goes by with another visit is one more obstacle he has to overcome.  Frustrating!

Its times like tonight that makes me look forward to us being able to cross the "foster" out of the title of this blog for a while.