We knew the caseworker was planning to file termination on W's parents, but we hadn't heard the status of that for a few days.  The caseworker had hoped to have things ready so she could do the initial termination hearing when we were at court on the 14th, but she wasn't able to get that done.

Well, when I got the mail today, there was a copy of termination paperwork.  They filed on both parents and the initial hearings are in about 2 weeks.  That means things should be final, as far as the termination of parental rights in 6 weeks or so, unless it takes a while longer to get another court date.

What happens in this process is, the caseworker files termination of parental rights with the court.  An initial hearing is scheduled then.  At the initial hearing for Alexander, which is my only experience with this, the judge read the case number, said who was present, and asked the parents if they accepted or denied the charges.  I'm guessing that is how it will go in this case also.  If the the parents accept, I think the judge can grant termination then.  But if they deny, a Fact Finding hearing is scheduled.  It is supposed to be in 30 days.  The Fact Finding hearing is where DCS presents all the evidence they have as to why termination needs to be granted.

If the parents voluntarily give up parental rights (meaning it wouldn't have to get to the fact finding hearing), the judge will grant the termination and we can start the adoption process in 30 days.  If the parents won't consent and termination is granted involuntarily, we aren't able to start the adoption process for 6 months.  That time frame is there to allow the parents to file an appeal since they didn't consent to the termination.  During that 6 months, W would still technically be in foster care, but nothing would change.  Visitation would be stopped and we would just be waiting for the 6 months to end so we could make things official.

I haven't seen W's mom since this happened, his next visit is on Monday.  I don't know how she is going to react to this.  She knew it was coming.  I hope she will just go ahead and sign her rights over, but that is probably wishful thinking.  I am confident termination will be granted at Fact Finding, but it would be good if it didn't have to come to that.  The one that will probably hold things up is the dad.  He has maintained that this is a conspiracy against him and he was holding his son in a loving way when he was arrested, even though an entire SWAT team disagrees.  So, I don't see him consenting to anything.

I guess we never expected this to be a smooth process.  As long as it ends with W being in the best place for him, that's the important thing.

Love these guys!!

The other morning, I was laying in bed trying to avoid getting out of it while Nathan worked away in the basement.  All four kids had gotten up and made their way to my bed and joined together to try and ruin my plan of staying in bed. -- Basically, a typical Saturday morning at our house.

I asked the kids what they thought about W's name and what we should do if we adopted him.  We have always planned to change his name if we were able to adopt him.  I honestly can't stand his name, and the fact that he is named after his dad makes it even worse.  I feel like naming a child after someone is a way to honor that person and set an example for who you want that child to become.  W's dad is the last person I want any child to aspire to be.  He is violent and truely a bad guy.  So, a new name will be in order once/if W becomes a Coe.

Anyway, when I asked what we should change W's name to once we adopted him, Alexander said immediately, "But you adopted me!". I think he thought he was the only one who could be adopted around here.   I couldn't help but laugh.  I told him I knew we adopted him, but maybe we would be able to adopt W too.  He seemed ok with that answer.

Hannah suggested we give him the same middle name as Alexander, Ian, but I told her two brothers couldn't have the same name.  Then she brought up the good point that her and I have the same middle name.  So I didn't have much of an argument for that.

So, we don't have a definite name yet.  We are pretty set on the first name though.  I will share that with you once things are a little closer to being set.  We do have court tomorrow, which will be one small step, most likely.  Again, we don't want to get that cart before the horse.

What?!

Oh my goodness, this day! I have said so many times that foster care is a roller coaster ride, and it is!

I got a call from our caseworker today that W's mom has failed a drug screen.  That means termination will be filed now.  That means W isn't going home next month and probably not ever.

I honestly don't know how to feel.  I feel relieved, but at the same time I'm hesitant to feel relieved in case this roller coaster starts up again.

So many people say to us "how can you be ok with the kids leaving? Aren't you attached? They are better off with you."  But people who say those things don't really know how foster care is.  Not that I'm blaming them, I had no idea either before we jumped into it.  But yes we do get attached, yes we love the kids.  But, we keep in mind though all this that we aren't these kids' parents.  We are the ones who have, for some crazy reason, agreed to keep them safe and love them until their families can take over again.

I was uneasy about W leaving us.  But not because I just wanted him to stay with us.  I was worried because I don't think his mom can take over.  I don't think she wants to take over, I think she likes being with W and spending time with him, but I don't think she has it in her to be a full time mother.  She has proved that with her daughter.  She sees her daughter pretty regularly and gets to spend time with her, but ultimately she isn't her daughter's full time mother.  And, the mom is happy with that situation.   

W deserves a full time mother.  That's why I am scared for him to go home.

But, after today, I don't think I will have to be worried about that any more.

These emotions are crazy!  I am so happy that we will have another son.  But again, I can't put the cart before the horse, that wouldn't be the "foster parently" thing to do.  (My patent is pending on that new word I just created).  So maybe I should stick with taking the risk of being relieved for now.  I will move on to happy, or more like ecstatic, when we get through this next stage.

Change is coming...

Change can be good.  I like change really---it's exciting.

We had a meeting today with everyone involved in W's case to make a plan for the case.  Everyone agrees that 18 months is too long for this case to have gone on.  So, it was decided that W will go home next month.

Every time the case has gotten to this point, the mom has done something to slow things down or move them backwards.  She says she wants W home, but I'm not convinced she really does.  I don't feel like she has taken any steps to move forward from where she was 18 months ago.  But the problem is she hasn't done enough for her rights to be terminated and this case closed.  Since rights can't be terminated, they are sending W home.

That doesn't really seem logical, but I think the caseworker feels like she doesn't have a choice.  I also think she feels like it will take W being home for the mom to show her true colors and prove whether she will sink or swim.

So, in about 6 weeks, we will be down to a family of 5.  We haven't had just 5 of us for a while, 18 months to be exact!  What will we do with ourselves?

I will keep reminding myself that change is good.