We still haven't had the initial court date for termination of parental rights (TPR) for W. Everything that was scheduled for court the day our hearing was supposed to be was rescheduled for next month. So, now our initial hearing is on March 18th for the mom. The dad's is March 12th. We still don't go to any of his hearings for safety reasons, so we will just have to wait and hear how that goes.
One thing I did find out about involving the dad, at his last court hearing, the caseworker said she would grant visitation if the dad completed services 80% of the time for 30 days. Services would include counseling, parenting classes, etc, that he has been court ordered to complete. I know why the caseworker did this, she wants to be able to show in court that she has given the dad multiple chances to move forward in the case, but he hasn't followed through. She will use this in his TPR case. But, I was also a bit nervous about this. I know she did it because she was confident he wouldn't follow through, but what if he did? I am not OK with him having visits. Not even supervised ones. But, as it turns out, the dad didn't make any appointments with his services; he's at 0%, no where near the required 80. So we can take a breath and not worry about him visiting.
W's mom hasn't said anything to me about TPR. I didn't expect her to, but it is like the elephant in the room every time I see her now. The first visit we had after all the paperwork came, she wouldn't look at me or speak to me. I didn't take it personally, but it was still awkward. To make matters worse, W is starting to talk and he now calls us mom and dad. The other day when I went to pick him up from a visit, he ran up to me yelling "Mommy!" and grabbed my legs. I picked him up and said, "yes, tell mommy goodbye!". It was not fun. She didn't say anything, but I know it must be hurtful to see your baby run to another woman and call her mommy.
But, on the other hand, I have been mommy to him since he was tiny. He has been with me far more than with his birth mom. Plus, this situation is not my fault, it is hers.
I think that is something I am finally seeing clearly. For a long time, I really felt sorry for this mom. I wanted her to succeed. I tried to help her out and encourage her as much as I could. Sometimes I felt guilty that I was taking W home with me after a visit. And, I do still like this mom. And, I don't want her to fail. But, she has been given so much support over the past 19 months that her failures can't be blamed on anyone but her now. Caseworkers, therapists, the CASA, everyone has held her hand and guided her in the right direction. But, she has repeatedly let go and ran back to where she started. Its that fact that has brought me to the realization that its time for this to move on and for her to take a different role in W's life. His birth mom can't be his mom anymore. She can still love him and keep a relationship with him, but not as a mother. W needs more than what she is willing to offer.
That's the other part, its what she is willing to offer that is the problem. If she wasn't able to give him what he needed, that could be fixed. But the fact is, she is perfectly capable of being a parent but chooses not to. That makes this a whole other situation.
So, things are at a standstill until we get into court, but everyone is pretty confident of what the outcome will be.
