Oh my goodness, this day! I have said so many times that foster care is a roller coaster ride, and it is!
I got a call from our caseworker today that W's mom has failed a drug screen. That means termination will be filed now. That means W isn't going home next month and probably not ever.
I honestly don't know how to feel. I feel relieved, but at the same time I'm hesitant to feel relieved in case this roller coaster starts up again.
So many people say to us "how can you be ok with the kids leaving? Aren't you attached? They are better off with you." But people who say those things don't really know how foster care is. Not that I'm blaming them, I had no idea either before we jumped into it. But yes we do get attached, yes we love the kids. But, we keep in mind though all this that we aren't these kids' parents. We are the ones who have, for some crazy reason, agreed to keep them safe and love them until their families can take over again.
I was uneasy about W leaving us. But not because I just wanted him to stay with us. I was worried because I don't think his mom can take over. I don't think she wants to take over, I think she likes being with W and spending time with him, but I don't think she has it in her to be a full time mother. She has proved that with her daughter. She sees her daughter pretty regularly and gets to spend time with her, but ultimately she isn't her daughter's full time mother. And, the mom is happy with that situation.
W deserves a full time mother. That's why I am scared for him to go home.
But, after today, I don't think I will have to be worried about that any more.
These emotions are crazy! I am so happy that we will have another son. But again, I can't put the cart before the horse, that wouldn't be the "foster parently" thing to do. (My patent is pending on that new word I just created). So maybe I should stick with taking the risk of being relieved for now. I will move on to happy, or more like ecstatic, when we get through this next stage.
I got a call from our caseworker today that W's mom has failed a drug screen. That means termination will be filed now. That means W isn't going home next month and probably not ever.
I honestly don't know how to feel. I feel relieved, but at the same time I'm hesitant to feel relieved in case this roller coaster starts up again.
So many people say to us "how can you be ok with the kids leaving? Aren't you attached? They are better off with you." But people who say those things don't really know how foster care is. Not that I'm blaming them, I had no idea either before we jumped into it. But yes we do get attached, yes we love the kids. But, we keep in mind though all this that we aren't these kids' parents. We are the ones who have, for some crazy reason, agreed to keep them safe and love them until their families can take over again.
I was uneasy about W leaving us. But not because I just wanted him to stay with us. I was worried because I don't think his mom can take over. I don't think she wants to take over, I think she likes being with W and spending time with him, but I don't think she has it in her to be a full time mother. She has proved that with her daughter. She sees her daughter pretty regularly and gets to spend time with her, but ultimately she isn't her daughter's full time mother. And, the mom is happy with that situation.
W deserves a full time mother. That's why I am scared for him to go home.
But, after today, I don't think I will have to be worried about that any more.
These emotions are crazy! I am so happy that we will have another son. But again, I can't put the cart before the horse, that wouldn't be the "foster parently" thing to do. (My patent is pending on that new word I just created). So maybe I should stick with taking the risk of being relieved for now. I will move on to happy, or more like ecstatic, when we get through this next stage.
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