We had quite the adjustment ahead for us. Not only did we go from 2 children to 4, but the two new ones were boys, and this household has historically been ruled by estrogen. Boys are such a different ball game. Z just did things in a different way. He played different games and reacted to us differently, and of course there is the matter of the different bathroom habits.
Well, we setteled down into a pretty good routine quickly. Night time went better and better each night. Z went from being wide awake till 11:00 to being ready for bed and falling asleep quickly at 8:00. The baby began sleeping mostly through the night and taking 5 or 6 oz of a bottle at a time rather than 2 or 3 oz. The girls may have had the biggest adjustment. They were used to a calm, mostly predictible routine and throwing in a 3 year old and 6 month old put a giant wrench in that! Z had outbursts from time to time and he would hit and pinch. Addison would yell at him whenever she thought he might be about to pinch her, it got crazy at times. But we muddled through and pretty quickly learned how to function as a family of 6. We were having fun.
Then, as always, all good things must come to an end. That's probably a bit over dramatic, but a huge crimp was put on our routine with a call from a social worker.
The case manager, not to be confused with the caseworker, called. She works for an independent agency and is in charge of supervising visitations, among several other things, for the boys. She was calling to tell me she needed to schedule visitation with the mom for the boys. The mom was going to get 2 visits a week for an hour and a half each. The visits would be at the DCS office and supervised by the case manager.
I wasn't sure what to think, the caseworker was fairly sure the mom was the abuser. And as the person who had been taking care of a horribly bruised up 6 month old, the last thing I wanted to do was meet the person who was capable of doing that to him. Let alone leave him and Z with her twice a week. How could I build trust with these boys when I kept taking them to see this person? But again, this was just part of the process.
I was afraid to tell Z we were on our way to see his mom because I didn't know how he would react if she didn't show up. So when we went up to DCS he had no idea what was going on. As we walked up, Z held a blanket for G and walked beside me up to the office. As we were going in, he stopped and handed the blanket to a lady sitting on a bench, then came right back to my side. I went back and got the blanket and apologized to the lady. As we stepped into the office, Z said, "that's my mom". It was the most calm, matter of fact thing. I had no idea it was her. I guess I just expected a different reaction, from both of them. If I hadn't seen my child for a few weeks and he had been staying with a family I had never met, I'm pretty sure I would have had an emotional response to seeing him! But, it was just another thing to add to this whole fostering experience. There was a reason this lady's kids were in foster care.
I don't get to see the visits, I had to just wait for it to be over. So I really had no idea what was going on in that room or how the boys were reacting to their mom. The case manager told me later that things went ok, but she really wouldn't elaborate, so I had to just leave it at that. So, that is how the next chapter of this experience started.
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