Will she do it this time?

Of course the mistake I thought was huge was only minor to the caseworker in W's case.  She explained, as if I had no idea how things work, that the mom can have any relationship she wants and the purpose of all this is to allow her to live as she normally would, all while making sure she can keep W safe in the process.  I understand that, and I told the caseworker so.  But what concerns me is why was the mom hiding this guy? Why couldn't she tell him to leave while she had her visit? That is the problem. She still isn't putting her child first.  And this is the same problem the mom had when this case started 15 months ago.  That tells me that she hasn't budged from the situation she was in at the beginning.  But, maybe that's why I'm not a caseworker, I'm too quick to doubt the parents' ability to be good parents.  I hope that's not the case, because I don't intend to be that way.

Anyway, the caseworker has progressed this case to unsupervised visits.  The mom gets her same 3 hours 3 days a week but without a social worker there with her.  In 2 weeks, her time increases to 6 hours a visit,  then a few weeks later she gets an overnight visit.  The trial home placement hasn't been scheduled yet.  We are supposed to meet again after the overnight visit and make a plan from there.  This is all contingent on the mom staying clean and following the safety plan (no unauthorized visitors during visits and maining a safe home).  This is the third time this case has gotten to unsupervised visits.  Each time before, the whole thing fell apart right before the overnights started.  Maybe she can do it this time.  I don't have a lot of faith in this mom at this point, but maybe she will surprise me. 

I can't decide how I feel about W leaving, if it gets to that.  I am trying to feel good about it.  I know his mom loves him and she says she wants him with her.  She has the potential to be a great mom as long as she can stay on the right path.  But that's where the problem comes up for me.  This isn't the first time this mom has went through the system with a child.  She lost custody of her daughter a couple of years ago and it was because of a similar situation, her boyfriend was abusing her daughter and she couldn't keep her safe.  The case ended with her daughter being permanently placed with a relative. Now that it has happened again with W, she has taken 15 months to finally be in a position to possibly get him home.  But if its taken this long, after she already went through this with her daughter, I would be stupid to believe it won't happen again.  She has shown that she isn't strong enough, or maybe not motivated enough, or whatever to put her kids first in her life.  But that's the thing about being a foster parent, it doesn't really matter how you feel, the case is not in your control.  So, that being said, the best thing to do to keep your sanity is to love the kids while you have them, try and influence them in the most positive way possible, and always be prepared to say goodbye.  We try to remember we are only babysitters of these kids, that's the only way to keep our sanity when they leave.