W's mom baffles me. A few months ago I was 99% sure we would be adopting W in the near future. His case was nearing the 15 month mark, which is when the state has to request termination of parental rights. His mom had not progressed in the case at all. She hadn't met the requirements set for her to move to unsupervised visits and didn't really seem too upset about it. I was beginning to think she had given up, or decided it was time to move on. Or maybe she had realized the best thing for W would be to stay with us. Also, we had a report from the judge saying the best thing for W was to be adopted due to his parents inability to provide a safe environment. That was a pretty definitive document, coming from the judge and all. So, I was still taking W to visits, and all the while feeling like there was really no point in it because he was going to end up with us in the long run.
Then, we had a family team meeting a few weeks ago where the caseworker told us that the mom had been clean for almost 4 months. That meant she had actually exceeded the requirement to move to unsupervised visits. So, the following visit was unsupervised.
I was a little skeptical, but felt ok about things. I have never worried that this mom would hurt W. She is very good with him. It's the people she chooses to be around that are a potential danger to him. But, the first few visits were only 3 hours long and a social worker would be dropping in at some point during that time. I was sure W would be safe. And he was. Every time I dropped him off his mom was happy and talkative. He was happy to see her, and things looked good. I was beginning to think, again, that she could do this. Things were just as good when I picked him up 3 hours later. Last Saturday, when I picked W up, I got to talking to his mom. I asked her if she was going to keep things together this time and get W home.
I kind of surprised myself by asking her such a direct question, but I wanted to know. If she was genuinely putting forth the effort to get her son home, I was willing to support her. But, if she wasn't, I wanted to know.
She said she felt like she was on the right track. She was keeping the right people around and the wrong ones away. She had interviewed for a job and hoping she would get it. She had applied for a 2 bedroom apartment so there would be more room for W. She was really excited about things and seemed very positive. She talked to me for probably 15 minutes. I tried to be encouraging to her let her know I wanted what was best for her and W. I felt good about things when I left and even called the CASA and let her know about our conversation. I was really sure the mom was going to keep on the right track and get W home. And I was ok with that.
This morning, I got a call from the social worker. She asked if I had gotten any unusual phone calls. I hadn't. She, and the caseworker, had gotten calls from a man who didn't give his name and who said W's mom was seeing W's dad. This is bad for several reasons. 1) there is a no contact order between them to keep the mom safe. 2) there is a no contact order between W and his dad. 3) the mom has said she is afraid of W's dad and doesn't want anything to do with him. 4) W's dad is dangerous and controlling. If his mom is hanging around with him again, knowing that he is dangerous, where has this case progressed in the past 15 months? The answer is nowhere, if she is letting him control her again, how can she keep W safe if he goes home? And the big concern is, has she been taking W to see his dad during her unsupervised visits? That one scares the pants off me. The social worker and CASA are very concerned and are hoping to get down to the bottom of this. The caseworker is taking the approach again of, she can do what she wants on her own time, as long as W isn't put in danger.
The CASA caught the mom in a couple of lies today. I have been sure she has been lying about things here and there all along. She has gotten caught in little lies several times, but she is smart enough about it to not let it add up to much at a time. But, when all these fibs are looked at as a whole, they begin to add up. I think today was the beginning of the lies adding up for the CASA and the social worker.
And, to top it all off, I got a fresh dose of disappointment. I told myself I wasn't going to let this lady disappoint me again because I wasn't going to have faith in her again. But, somehow she got to me, which set me up for a let down for the umpteenth time.
So now I don't know what is going to happen here. Maybe the mom hasn't done anything detrimental to the case. Maybe this guy calling to say she's putting herself in harm's way is just trying to cause her trouble for some reason. But, the things that happened today don't add up in favor of the mom. I don't know. And, I just don't understand.
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