We just got finished with a visit with the boys' mom.  A motion was filed last week to stop Z's visits with her, but the judge said he isn't going to hear the motion until we get to court.  So, I had to take both boys to the visit today.  When we got there, the mom said she wasn't feeling well and wasn't sure how long she could visit.  I have been able to watch the visits, through a one way glass, so I stayed and watched as the visit started.  The mom sat on the couch and interacted only when she had to with the boys, especially Z.  She did talk more with G, but still not much.  A few times, Z asked for something, like paper to draw, and she told him where he could find it, but didn't get up to help him.  A few times, she made Z give a toy he was playing with to G because "it was time to share".  She can't even let them enjoy themselves, because she isn't enjoying herself.  She doesn't want to be at these visits any more than anyone wants her there.  She knows this is all coming to an end and at this point, can't even pretend she wants to be with her kids.  I just don't see how a mother could feel this way about her children.  If I was only able to see my kids for 3 hours a week, you better believe I would be squeezing every second out that I could.  Anyway, after an hour, she came out and said she was finished for today and needed to leave.  The visit was supposed to last 3 hours. 

Last week, the visit started with just Z in the room, and then after an hour, it was supposed to switch and she would have just G.  10 minutes into the visit, Z said, "I want Mommy".  The mom asked him to repeat it, and he said it again, as calm and matter of fact as could be, "I want Mommy".  She knew he wasn't talking about her.  She came out and said he needed to come out of the visit because he wanted me.  She didn't try to redirect Z or try to keep him in with her for even just a few more minutes, she just brought him out.  The visit was over, after just 10 minutes.  I think she has totally checked out of this situation.  She knows the kids shouldn't be with her, especially Z, and she is done. 

I have to say, I am ready for this to be done too.  G is going to be going home in 2 weeks and Z is going to be a part of our family forever.  I am ready to start the next part of our lives, and for all these parts of our life causing turmoil to be over.  I know that even after Z is adopted and G is with his dad, things will never be totally over.  G and Z are still brothers.  We will always be a part of each others' lives, but we will finally be able to feel like a normal family again.