Yesterday morning started off with the bad news. I found out W's mom has again had drug screens positive for cocaine. The past two tests the caseworker gave were positive, plus one her drug counselor gave her before that. I knew about the one from the drug counselor, we found out about that a few weeks ago. When that happened, we all expected this case to move backward several steps, even though that isn't what any of us wanted (us being Nathan and I, the CASA, and the therapists working with the mom). We were all so surprised and thankful when the caseworker basically said she was giving W's mom a free pass with that screen. But, with the past two being positive as well, the free pass is long used up. So, starting with the next visit, visitation is again supervised. This is a huge step back. I honestly don't know what to think or what will happen. This is where the disgusted feeling comes in. I feel like I put my confidence in this mom to get her son back, and that would be what was best for W. But now, I feel betrayed. I feel like this mom took advantage of me, and the rest of her supporters, by going back to a behavior she knew would only hinder W coming home. Does she not want him coming home? Are her own desires more important than having her son in her life? I don't know. I do know that drug addiction is a serious thing, and not something that can be dealt with and overcome in a few weeks or months. But, honestly I don't believe W's mom is addicted to drugs. If she was truly an "addict" her levels would not be at the "trace" level with every test. She isn't using cocaine daily and she isn't using it in very large amounts. I feel like she is using when someone comes over and wants to get high with her and she doesn't have the confidence or guts to say no. Regardless of her motivation for using again after she had been clean for almost two months, I just don't understand it and I have lost a lot of faith in her getting her son back. If she can't stay clean or keep the people bringing the drugs out of her life long enough to get her son out of foster care, how is she going to stay clean once he's home. So, that was the bad news.
Then, yesterday afternoon, we got some good news. Steps have been taken to move things forward in Z's case. What's funny is, in this case, I consider "moving forward" as something that gets us closer to adopting Z, not getting closer to him going home. It's the exact opposite from how I feel about the other boys' cases. Actually, I think I consider moving forward as anything that gets the kids closer to being where they need to be, being in the situation that is best for them. I guess I see staying with us as what is best for Z. I know I am biased because I am crazy about him, but I really do believe he belongs in our family. But anyway, I can't really give details until it's done, but know that things are "moving forward" for Z. And that is very exciting, encouraging, and makes me happy!
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