First of all, yes, we do get attached to the kids. How could we not? We are taking care of them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We are the ones who are comforting the kids when they miss their parents, when they fall and scrape their knee, when they are upset and just don't know why. We are also there when the kids are laughing while Hannah chases them around the house or Addison plays ball with them. We are there to fix meals and give bottles in the middle of the night and change poopy diapers. While the kids are here, they are part of our family. They go to birthday parties for our nieces and nephews, they go to Christmas dinner, they go to the grocery store with us. We try to make the kids feel as much a part of things as our girls are. They need that. They can't be with their biological family right now, for whatever reason, so we are the next best thing (and the only thing they have for the moment). Just because the kids are in foster care doesn't mean they don't need to feel as if they belong in our family, even if it is going to be temporary. It is so important for kids to have bonds with others and if their parents aren't with them enough to have a strong bond, we are there for them.
As far as "giving them back", we always know from the start that these are not our kids, not yet anyway. They are here for us to care for, and love on, but they still have a family. It's hard not to say, "we are a better family for them, we will give them more opportunities and stability than their biological family ever could, so they should stay with us". But, that's the easy thing to say. It's not our job to decide where is best for the kids (that being said, we certainly have strong opinions, but those don't count for much). Our job is to take care of the kids until they don't need us anymore, or until they need us forever. It's confusing sometimes and always complicated, but isn't that life?
When we got G, he wasn't quite 6 months old and he was tiny. He was covered in bruises and just seemed so helpless, which he was. I couldn't imagine DCS or a judge allowing him to go back to a family that put him into this state. I was instantly in love with him. I hoped every day for a while that I would get a call saying he was never going back and he would be with us forever. But, now, I know he has a dad who cares a lot for him and has learned a lot from all the programs DCS has put him through. I feel like he is ready to be a dad now. Will he do everything for G that we would do? No. Will he take G to the zoo and the children's museum like we do? Probably not. Will he make sure G eats nutritious foods, gets to bed at a decent time, and gets to school on time every day? Some of the time, probably. But,despite all that, he loves G and will give him the best life he can. And, G will be with his biological family. In this case, I think that is best.
Yes, it will be hard to see him go, but it has been a slow process and we have gotten a chance to see G's dad prove himself as a father. We have had a lot of time to adjust to him leaving. Not only that, but we have tried to remember every day that he is with us temporarily (even on those days I hoped for that call). Every time the girls have said something like "I bet G will love to go swimming this summer!", we respond with "if he's still with us". It has just become part of things for the girls, I'm so proud of how they have handled all this.
So, yes we are attached to the kids, but in a healthy way. And yes it is hard to see them go, but we know that is the plan from the start. So, everyone that says they could never do foster care because they couldn't "give the kids back" could do it if they remembered the purpose of foster care in the first place. Yes, we went into this with the intention to adopt, but, each time a child has been placed with us, we have known they may only be with us until it's time for them to go home. Sometimes it helps to think of ourselves as babysitters, really underpaid, long term, never knowing when the gig is over, babysitters!
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