Alexander's caseworker stopped by this evening.  She brought by some paperwork we need to sign to get the next step of the adoption going.  Nothing too exciting, just some papers to allow our lawyer to get reimbursement for her work on the case and a few other technical things.  Still, it's one step closer and that is exciting.

In Indiana, lawyers can be reimbursed up to $1500 for completing an adoption.  The lawyer we are using, and most others according to our caseworker, won't charge families any more than the $1500.  So, that means we won't have any cost associated with this adoption.  So many people I have talked to say they can't consider adoption because of the cost, but I can say, cost isn't an issue with foster-to-adopt situations.

We have had some other nerve-racking developments this week.  I got a call from the caseworker saying that she has discovered some issues with the situation with G and his dad.  G is Alexander's half brother (same mom, different dads).  He was with us from the time he was a bruised up 6 month old until he was an ornery 21 month old.  He was able to be reunited with his dad last May.  I was nervous about him leaving, but I felt good about it overall.  When I got that call, saying the placement with dad might not be working, my heart sank.  A part of me was excited to have G back with us, but a big part of me was dreading the thought of all those visits with dad starting from the beginning again.  I was ok to say goodbye to G last May, but I'm not sure how I would feel to say goodbye again.  Plus, I would worry about how it would affect Alexander and the girls to have G with us only to leave again.  I have said a few times that it isn't as hard as you would think to tell a foster child goodbye, but that doesn't mean it's easy!  It's harder on the kids I think, they just aren't able to understand all that's going on well enough.  Plus, it's hard for kids to see what is best for someone in the long run vs what's easiest for them in the moment.  But, even with all that, I would still take him back in a heart beat if he has to be removed again.  The caseworker told me this evening that she is really hoping to not have to remove G.  She said even if it comes down to the grandparents taking guardianship for a time while the dad gets himself together again, she will do that.

I'm not sure where W's case is going.  We were to the point where the caseworker was going to file termination on the mom next month, which would be 15 months and the point where the state says termination has to be filed.  But, the mom has been passing drug tests for the past 2 months.  At this point, if she continues to pass screens, the case will continue and the mom will still progress toward getting W home.  I'm not sure how to feel about this.  I have always said I like this mom, and I still do.  But this has gone on so long that I'm not sure what would happen if W went home.  His mom is capable of being a great mom.  But, I'm not confident in her being able to keep on the right track once the support DCS is giving her is gone.  Right now, she is being drug screened weekly and knows that the screens will continue and if she fails one now, this case is basically over.  She is getting counseling a couple of times a week.  She is getting help with transportation to appointments, to the store, to the library to apply for jobs (the visit supervisor takes her places during visits which I'm not really on board with).  We provide everything W needs on a day to day basis including food, clothes, a bed, daycare, going to appointments and therapy.  Can she manage everything on her own? I don't know.  I know she has been a victim of domestic violence, and that is not something to take lightly.  I am so glad she is not in a bad relationship anymore, at least she says she isn't in a relationship.  But, I just can't trust that she will stay around the right people, people who will support her and W, help her when she needs it, keep W safe.  She lost custody of her daughter a few years ago because she wasn't able to make the right decisions to keep her daughter safe.  Maybe she learned her lesson from all that.  Maybe she has gotten valuable help from all the counseling she has had in the last year.  But, I'm scared to put W into a situation with so many risks.  Of course, this is part of foster care.  DCS's job is to get kids home, even if us foster parents aren't 100% comfortable with things.  I know I don't have a very objective view of all this and I am biased in this situation, but that doesn't make this any easier!  I'm just going to keep taking care of W and try to follow my instincts about my feelings toward his mom and what she is capable of.  Maybe she is ready to be a mom.  And if I know, or at least am pretty sure that she can do this, I'm ok with letting W go.