It's funny, but the end of both our boys' cases could happen really soon, and really close together. Z's case technically started in February 2011 and W's started in July 2011, but both appear to be wrapping up.
We have had the initial hearing for termination of parental rights for Z's parents. Nothing happened at that hearing besides the judge reading the case numbers, who was present, then he scheduled the fact finding hearing. Z's dad didn't show up, which I can't blame him, the judge made it sound like he didn't need to come to any more hearings the last time we were at court. But it turns out he hasn't actually signed any paperwork yet. DCS has tried to send it to him several times but he always refuses the package. It won't matter in the end whether or not he signs it, but it could drag our adoption processs out longer if he doesn't. The fact finding hearing is at the first of next month (unless it gets continued like all the other court dates have). At that hearing, DCS will present all the evidence they have as to why Z's mom should loose her parental rights. They have all assured me that this is an "open and shut case" and they have no doubt rights will be terminated, but it still makes me nervous. I can't bare to think about this going on longer, me having to take Z to more visits, or anything else coming along to delay us adopting Z. Or, heaven forbid, us not being able to adopt him at all. So, we are waiting on egg shells for that final hearing. I hope hope hope it happens as scheduled. It's time for this to be over so we all can move on, especially Z.
On W's front, the caseworker and the CASA are recommending we adopt W. The caseworker is still willing to consider a family placement though. In fact, I think she is supposed to meet with the family I mentioned a couple of posts ago, the one where the husband is in law enforcement (turns out he is a guard at a jail). The only things I have found out about them is that the wife works with special needs kids and they have a three year old son. They could be a good option, the only thing is, this case has been going on for a year, where have they been all this time?
We go to court next week for this case. I'm hoping something is decided. We have went back and forth so many times on this case, it has been exhausting. When we picked W up, I was sure he would be ours forever based on the circumstances. Then I met the mom and was sure he would, and should, go home with her. Then the mom began to show me she couldn't take care of him and I thought he would stay with us. Then the aunt came into the picture and I was sure he would be going with her. Then this other family member popped up and they may still be a good option. Meanwhile the CASA is telling me she feeels like W needs to stay with us. It has been crazy. Right now, I really don't know what to think. I love W like crazy, but I will be ok if he needs to leave us.
The other day I was thinking, how can I be ok with W leaving but I'm not ok with even the thought of Z leaving? I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I love both of them equally, I think of both of them as my kids, but I still see things differently with them. I think I have come up with the reason, maybe.
First I thought it was because I went into Z's case with the knowledge that everyone wanted him in our home as more of a pre-adoptive placement vs a foster placement (yes "pre-adoptive" is a real term). But then I go back to when W came, I was sure he would be adopted by us too. So that isn't really it. I think the reason I see these two cases so differently is because of all the other people involved, family members wise. Z has a lot of family but I don't trust that any of them have ever had Z's best interest in mind. For the life of me I can't figure this out, but no one has really ever wanted Z. His mom resented him because all she could see in him was his dad (who she hates with a passion). His dad saw him as another mouth to feed and he could barely feed the ones he already had. I don't know what his grandparents saw him as, but we know they were abusive to him, both sets of grandparents. So, no one has ever treasured this sweet boy like every kid deserves to be treasured. No one has ever loved him for who he is, they have only been able to see those things in him which they despise. And, how can they blame a child for who he looks like or for just being a kid, those things aren't his fault.
But in W's case, the only person who has been unkind toward him is his dad. His mom loves him, his aunt wants him in her family, he has a teenage half sister who is crazy about him. He could be surrounded by a loving family if things had just went a little differently. That is the difference. I am afraid if we do adopt W, there will always be a part of me that feels guilty for taking this baby away from so many people who have wanted him and have treasured him. I know it isn't physically me that is the one taking him away, and I know that his mom and his aunt had the ability to end this case with W in their homes and families but their decisions and actions proved to not be in W's best interest. But I know I will still feel some responsibility. With Z, I hope he never sees some of his "family" again. I think his life will be better if his mom walks away after that last visit and never looks back. But I don't feel that way at all with W. That is the difference. I'm not sure how we will work things out if we are able to adopt W so he can have a relationship with some of his family, but we are going to have to figure something out because there are a few people that I believe he will be better off knowing. But with Z, we will be the only family he needs. He will not benefit in any way by having his mom in his life, and I'm starting to think not his dad either.
This has all been so hard sometimes. I don't regret any of it though. We have needed these kids as much as they have needed us. We have all learned from them and from this experience. Still, I'm hoping the end is near.
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