We did have our court date on Monday. We expected both Z's parents to sign over their parental rights, because both had said that's what they wanted.
Z's dad had asked to meet with us before court to talk some things over with us. We were both pretty nervous about that meeting. I had no idea what he was going to say to us, and there is always that little part of me that was afraid he was going to say he had changed his mind. While we were waiting for him, Nathan and I sat and wondered how this would go. He was several minutes late, so we had just about given up on him when he pulled up. Neither of us had seen him since Z had been placed with us last November. He had been granted weekend visitation, but had not seen Z once since this started. He walked up and shook Nathan's hand and said hello to me. We all sat down and he explained why he wanted to see us.
He said he knew we wanted to adopt Z and that is what he wanted too. He wanted us to know he still loved his son, and always would, but he knew we were the ones who should raise him and be his parents. He said that when Z went into foster care, he wanted to be sure he came to us and he would have fought to get him to us. He explained a little about why he couldn't be a parent to Z, and it all made sense to us. He was honest and sincere, which was good to hear. The last thing he said was, he wanted Nathan to promise to be a good dad to Z, because Z deserved that. That's when I lost it and cried! Nathan promised, and I told him that Nathan is a good dad. He said he wanted us to know, he would always be Z's father, but from this point on, Nathan is his dad. It was the most tear jerking thing I have ever been through! But, it made us feel better to have an explanation from him and now we have something we can share with Z some day about his birth father. Plus, I will feel better knowing that Z's dad is happy with where he is and knows he is in the best place for him. So, the paperwork isn't actually signed yet, but our lawyer is working with DCS to get everything to Z's dad to get completed. It will be done soon.
The part that didn't go as planned came when it got to the mom. She had said a few times that she wanted to sign her rights over so we could adopt Z, and had even tried to do it twice but technicalities came up that kept her from signing. Once we got into court, it was a whole different thing. She had changed her mind and was not going to sign. She claimed she had been influenced by DCS to say she wanted to sign over rights. It was ridiculous. The judge obviously wasn't buying the story. Everyone gave their reports and recommendations, all saying Z should stop visits with his mom because they are harmful to him and rights should be terminated.
Here's the really shocking part--- despite all these reports, the judge ordered that visits continue. I couldn't believe what he was saying. How could he contradict what all of these people were saying and put Z through further trauma unnecessarily? We were both pretty upset about it. The caseworker called me about 30 minutes after we left to make sure I was ok, she knew I was not happy.
DCS is still filing termination paperwork on the mom. So it will still happen, but as the CASA put it, "it will be ugly". DCS will put together a case as to why rights need to be terminated and several witnesses will be called. DCS has no shortage of witnesses in this either. I don't think this mom has any idea of what she is about to put herself through.
The judge approved the trial home placement to begin with G. We will take him to his dad's tomorrow evening. I am happy for them. G's dad and his girlfriend are excited to begin their life as a family with G. I think its going to work out and they will do well. The only good thing about Z continuing visits with his mom, is G will also be at those visits. So, Z will get a chance to see his brother on a regular basis, and, I will get to see him too. It will make this transition a little easier on everyone I think.
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