So, after we had been licenced for about 3 weeks we got a call from our caseworker, Krista. She explained that one of those situations that she had warned us may never happen, had in fact happened. She went on to tell me that a caseworker from a neighboring county had called with 3 children that needed a placement. These siblings were currently in foster care, were not yet legally free for adoption, but a request to terminate parental rights was in the plan for an upcoming court date. So, these kids would be considered "legal risk". Could this be what we had been waiting for?! The sibling group consisted of two boys, ages 5 and 3 and a little girl who was 2. The 5 year old had behaviors that would indicate that he was sexually abused, the 3 year old was showing signs of reactive attachment disorder, and the 2 year old was diagnosed as failure to thrive, had an unspecified chromosomal disorder, and was scheduled for surgery to place a feeding tube later that week. Wow! That was a lot to take in! My first comment was, "Krista, we are only licensed for two additional children", to which she quickly responded "Oh, that's not a problem, we can fix that easy".
I don't even know how to explain the emotions that I was feeling while I was talking to Krista and during the following hours. I was so excited at the thought that we may have found our children already. I was so scared that this was THREE children. I was leery of taking a 5 year old when we had felt our age limit should be 4. I was nervous about the sexual behaviors because we have two little girls. The reactive attachment disorder was a bit scary. And, to top it all off, this little girl had an "unspecified chromosomal disorder". I told her I needed to talk to Nathan and I would give her a call back. She told me to take some time and talk it over and call her the next day.
When I called him, I could tell Nathan shared my feelings about all of this. We were so reluctant to quickly say no, even though we both felt we should-- but wouldn't say that yet, because we were afraid another situation may not come along for a long time, if ever. We both felt we could have handled each of these children and all of their "baggage" if it were only the one child, but putting all three together, plus continuing to meet the needs of our daughters, that was going to be hard. We called everyone, our parents, our friends, our daycare (we had to make sure she had 3 openings), we talked to our coworkers, we talked to each other, and we discussed it over with the girls. Everyone seemed to share our same concerns. I think what hit home was when even our 6 year old said, "I think we should take the 3 year old, but I don't know about the others". When our little girl was able to see that this was going to be taking on too much for our family, we knew this wasn't the situation for us. We finally made a decision, I would call Krista in the morning and tell her we had to say "no".
I was a little nervous to say no, but Krista alleviated all my anxiety. She told me she was feeling the same way, these were not the children for our family. She also said she had found out a little more after she had talked to me the day before and the sexual behaviors the 5 year old was displaying were more severe than she had initially thought. This was definitely not something she wanted to expose our girls to. So, it was a bit of a let down, but ultimately, we knew we had done the right thing.
We had been warned that foster care and adoption through foster care was a huge emotional roller coaster. Well, we had just took our first ride, and it wasn't near over.
During the same phone call that I told Krista we couldn't take the sibling group, she blew me away with another situation! A baby had been born in a neighboring county to a mother who was mentally handicapped. The mother had came into the hospital to deliver the baby filthy dirty, no prenatal care, obviously unable to care for herself, let alone a new baby. The baby was still in the hospital, as she was only 2 days old. The baby was going to be removed because the mom was unable to care for her and the biological family was not willing to care for the baby. I was in shock, we went from considering three children that we knew in our hearts weren't ours, to being handed a baby straight out of the hospital. I told her we absolutely wanted the baby, I didn't even need to consult my husband. (I probably should have but there was no way I was letting him talk us out of this one!). Krista told me the baby was being released the next day and the caseworker would give our names to the hospital so we could pick her up. I was so excited. Again, we called everyone, I arranged for time off work, we started coordinating when and how to get all the baby supplies we would need. We are so lucky to have the family and friends we do. We were not going to have to buy a single thing for this baby, everyone was calling me saying they had a car seat, baby bath, swing, clothes, so many things that they were lending us--whether we wanted it our not--it was so cool.
Well, this all happened before I even got started at work for the morning, and how on earth was I going to work when I had so much to do! But, we had hopped back on that roller coaster and we were about to go down a big hill. Krista called me back saying the baby was not going to be removed after all. What? How was that possible? Just a few hours ago, the baby was being removed and wouldn't likely be placed back with the biological mom. It was all so confusing. I started the round of calls again, this time with the not so exciting news. Everyone was as disappointed as we were, but we all knew that ultimately this was always a possibility. I went on with my day and got back to work. Then, around 3 in the afternoon, Krista called me for the third time. The baby was being removed. The hospital had our information. We needed to pick her up in the morning. Wow, back up we went. I made the calls for a third time. Everyone was excited again. I re-made the arrangements to get the most important things, the car seat, diapers, formula, bottles, and a few outfits. I told the girls we were in fact getting the baby, and they were so excited, again. We were getting a newborn baby! This had been my prayer (secretly of course,Nathan wanted a 1 1/2 year old at the youngest) and it was actually coming true. We were getting a baby before any of those horrible things we learned about in foster class had even had a chance to happen. This precious girl had not been abused or neglected, she was not behind socially or
emotionally, and she would not have inappropriate behaviors as a result of her parent's mistakes.
Are you ready for the biggest let down of all? The baby's caseworker called me around 5 in the evening. She said the judge had denied the removal of the baby, family was taking the baby home, and we would not be getting her. I knew by the way she said this that it was a done deal. No more roller coaster with this case, this ride was over. Nathan and I were disappointed. Everyone I had to call for the umpteenth time that day was disappointed. My girls were disappointed. But, we knew this could happen. And, maybe this was our preparation for being foster parents. This was a let down, for sure, but it was one we could handle. We had not laid eyes on a child, we hadn't held a baby in our arms, and it had all happened over the course of about 2 days. We had indeed survived our first trip on the foster care roller coaster.
No comments:
Post a Comment