Still patiently waiting

Our caseworker came for her monthly visit earlier this week.  She needs to see Isaiah once a month and is supposed to see him in our home every two months.  Since he no longer has visits, she has to come to our house each time now.

Anyway, I was hoping she might have some information on the progress of the termination case.  She did have some information, but it wasn't really what I was hoping to hear.  She said the DCS attorney hasn't submitted his report to the judge yet.  I was hopeful we would have the judge's decision this week or so, but until that report is submitted, the judge can't make a ruling.

Technically, the attorneys have 30 days to submit their reports.  Court was April 5, so the 30 days isn't up until next week.  The caseworker said that they have been swamped with these cases and she knows the attorney is behind on getting these reports in.  To make matters more complicated, there are three attorneys working on separate reports (one for each parent and one for DCS).  So if just one lawyer is behind, the whole case stays on hold.  Once the reports are in, the judge has 30 days to make a decision.  Even though there are time limits set, I doubt there are any type of consequences for exceeding them.

I am anxious to get this case over with, but honestly, since visits have stopped it's not so bad waiting.  Since we aren't going to visits any more, it feels like we are a normal family now.  But, I also remember the relief I felt once we finalized Alexander's adoption.   We will get there!

Now we wait....

Friday was a big day.  15 months after the caseworker asked for termination of parental rights to be granted, the hearing to accomplish that finally took place.  We won't have an answer from the judge for a few days or weeks, but everyone is pretty confident it will happen.  From what I've heard (we couldn't sit in on the hearing) things went well during court.  Hopefully we will know something soon.  We will be contacting our adoption attorney soon and she will start getting things ready so we can move things along once we hear that parental rights have been terminated. 
I'm so ready to have this all done and final!  Isaiah has been a part of our loves for so long, its time to make it official. 

The new date for termination of parental rights (TPR) is now April 4.  We won't be at that hearing because I already testified at the hearing back in August (the first half of TPR).  During this type of trial, no one is allowed to be in the court room except for the person testifying and the parents and lawyers.  I don't think spreading TPR out over 8 months is typical, but it is what it is.

We had a review hearing back in January.  Review hearings are automatically scheduled every six months in these cases.  It seemed silly that we could get into court for a hearing to say we were waiting on the rest of TPR, but the actual termination hearing couldn't take place.  But, I guess that's the court system for you.  The good thing about that hearing was we got a chance to tell the judge that we were seeing behavior issues in Isaiah which we felt were a result of visits.  The caseworker also reported that the mom's drug screens are still being positive for cocaine.  With all that being said, the judge said visits were to stop until the mom passed three consecutive drug screens. 

Honestly, I think the hearing made the judge see just how long this case had been going on.  And it reminded him it was his fault that it hadn't been ended. 

Whatever the case, visits are stopped and we are happy with that.  Our sweet boy is coming back and the tantrums and hitting are returning to a normal toddler level.  :)

On another topic, we finally decided it was time to attempt potty training with Isaiah.  It has went much smoother than I expected.  He's doing a great job!  He's so proud of himself for wearing his big boy underwear.

Alexander is doing awesome.  He has been so sweet and happy over the last few months.  It really is amazing to me how we can still be seeing changes in him after two years. 

Court was delayed again!

Nathan says I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was.  About an hour before court was supposed to start, I got an email saying court was being continued because the judge was out and would be until the end of the year.  One of the lawyers is out all of January.  So, this court date that was first scheduled in June, may happen in February.  But again, that isn't set into stone.  There isn't a specific date set yet and as we have been shown over and over, having a date on the docket doesn't mean anything will actually happen. 

I asked if visits could at least be reduced if this case is going to be drug on longer.  I haven't gotten an answer yet, but I think something is in the works.  Visits are still not going smoothly and are getting worse as this goes along. 

On a great note, yesterday marked one year since we finalized Alexander's adoption!  I can't believe its been a year already.  But at the same time, he's such a big part of our family that I can't believe its only been a year.

Not much has happened in Isaiah's case since my last blog entry.  The second half of court was rescheduled for a date a few weeks ago.  But, both parents' lawyers neglected to notify them of the rescheduled date, so neither parent showed up.  How would they when no one told them when to be there?  So, now the next court date, and hopefully the last, will be in the second week of December.   I am really hopeful that parental rights will be terminated before the end of the year. 

Until rights are terminated, Isaiah continues to have one visit weekly with his mom.  Its a supervised visit that lasts 3 hours.  The reports I'm getting from the supervisor are that visits are not going as well as they used to and are getting worse as this goes on.  I think the mom is over this about as much as I am and its getting harder and harder for her to keep up good appearances at her visits.  It would be hard to visit with a child that you know your relationship with is about to be over.  But, that doesn't justify her giving up.  It does, however, help our case to terminate rights. 

Isaiah seems to be doing fine with the visits though, so I'm not too worried about him.  He doesn't seem to have any behaviors or effects when I pick him up.  I'm thankful for that.

I continue to be amazed by Alexander.  His relationship with us continues to evolve. He has never been very open to getting affection.  I know boys are just more active and busy.  They don't want their mommy hugging and smooching all over them when they could be playing with Lightening McQueen and Buzz Lightyear.  But "being busy" is not it with Alexander.  When he got a hug, he would wiggle away as fast as he could.  He looked like he was so uncomfortable that he just couldn't take it and had to get away as fast as possible.  But that's starting to change.  He doesn't get that claustrophobic look as much any more.  He even asks for hugs sometimes.  He sits on my lap when we watch a movie rather than sitting near me on the couch.   When he gets up in the morning, he will climb into my bed and cuddle for a few minutes (its a rare occasion that I get up before the boys do).  He's more loving toward us and lets us give him more affection too.

We were at our nieces' birthday party last weekend.  That was where I saw these changes go from happening in the comfort of home to extending to other family members too.  Alexander sat on his aunts' laps.  He talked to everyone.  He even asked to stay the night like the older kids were doing.  He did great.  It just makes me happy.

He is just growing up and maturing too.  He's excited about starting kindergarten next year (I think he will be ready next year).  He is into the pleasant fours rather than the terrible threes (Threes are much worse than terrible twos in my opinion).  He is a very sweet brother to his siblings (most of the time).  When he gets himself a snack, he always gets one for Isaiah too.  He is always the first to ask if someone is OK when they fall down or cry for some reason.  He's very caring.

I love watching these changes in him.  Its the best reward of being a parent when your child does something to make you proud of them. All of my kids make me proud everyday. Maybe just to balance things out though, they argue and fuss too.  I'm sure its for my own good, my kids wouldn't want me to be too proud of them.  Its all about balance!

Me? Stubborn?

I was talking to a friend tonight about how things went in court today.  She told me she admired us for doing all this and fighting for this little boy of ours.  My response was "Thanks, but I think we just didn't know what we were getting ourselves into!". When I told Nathan about my conversation, he said, "What do you mean we didn't know, they talked a bunch in training about how these cases can go". 

I don't like to be wrong.  And I really don't like to admit when I'm wrong.  So, I'm going to take the route of, "I did know what foster care could be like, but I had to verify it for myself to make sure what I was told was actually true".  And.... its true.

We went to court today and after an anguishing few days preparing myself for it, we still don't know anything.  I knew we wouldn't have an answer today because the judge always takes several days to make a decision in a termination case.  But, maybe just to solidify my lesson on how the trainers were in fact right when they said these cases can be long, drawn out, and stressful, the second half of today's court date was continued.  CONTINUED!!  That means no decision today, no decision next week, maybe not even next month.  Its hard to say when court will be rescheduled because some of the lawyers are about to go on vacation.  And, of course they aren't all off during the same week, so that will draw this out even longer. 

So, OK, OK, I admit it.  If I didn't know before what kind of journey we were embarking on, I know it now.  I'm not stupid enough to say when its going to be over either.  I will just get back on the crazy bus and see where it takes us. 

Anyone want to make me a stiff drink?

Court was actually today... 

We have court tomorrow.  This will be the hearing to terminate parental rights for both of Isaiah's parents.  Once parental rights are terminated, we can move towards starting the adoption process.  So, tomorrow is a very important step. 

The part that makes me think about needing a new method of stress relief is the court hearing itself.  No one is positive things will go like we think they should.  I met with everyone involved including the DCS lawyer this week.  He felt like this really isn't a strong case.  He feels termination is the right step, but he isn't totally confident that the judge will grant termination.  He feels there just isn't a lot of strong evidence against the mom.  Which is true, she has been a participant in this all along, but hasn't done anything beyond participate.  There have been concrete issues such as drugs, and she has been caught in lies.  But she has never missed a visit and she is good with Isaiah during her visits.  The thing is, no one can be sure the judge will see the issues as enough to warrant termination.

I wasn't sure the lawyer would want to have me testify because I didn't know how much I would be able to contribute.  But, it turns out he is going to ask me about several things in court.  So I will have to testify.  I'm not looking forward to it.  Both parents will be in the court room, along with their lawyers, and of course the judge, and that will be it.  No one else is allowed in during these hearings.  So, that means I won't know what else has been said, how things seem to be going, nothing.  I will just go in, take the witness stand, and answer questions.  I'm hoping the parents' lawyers won't ask me much. 

We won't have the judge's decision for a few days.  He will hear all the testimony tomorrow and make a decision next week. 

If he decides termination isn't appropriate, the case will basically start over. 

So, my nerves are a bit on edge today.