Not much has happened in Isaiah's case since my last blog entry.  The second half of court was rescheduled for a date a few weeks ago.  But, both parents' lawyers neglected to notify them of the rescheduled date, so neither parent showed up.  How would they when no one told them when to be there?  So, now the next court date, and hopefully the last, will be in the second week of December.   I am really hopeful that parental rights will be terminated before the end of the year. 

Until rights are terminated, Isaiah continues to have one visit weekly with his mom.  Its a supervised visit that lasts 3 hours.  The reports I'm getting from the supervisor are that visits are not going as well as they used to and are getting worse as this goes on.  I think the mom is over this about as much as I am and its getting harder and harder for her to keep up good appearances at her visits.  It would be hard to visit with a child that you know your relationship with is about to be over.  But, that doesn't justify her giving up.  It does, however, help our case to terminate rights. 

Isaiah seems to be doing fine with the visits though, so I'm not too worried about him.  He doesn't seem to have any behaviors or effects when I pick him up.  I'm thankful for that.

I continue to be amazed by Alexander.  His relationship with us continues to evolve. He has never been very open to getting affection.  I know boys are just more active and busy.  They don't want their mommy hugging and smooching all over them when they could be playing with Lightening McQueen and Buzz Lightyear.  But "being busy" is not it with Alexander.  When he got a hug, he would wiggle away as fast as he could.  He looked like he was so uncomfortable that he just couldn't take it and had to get away as fast as possible.  But that's starting to change.  He doesn't get that claustrophobic look as much any more.  He even asks for hugs sometimes.  He sits on my lap when we watch a movie rather than sitting near me on the couch.   When he gets up in the morning, he will climb into my bed and cuddle for a few minutes (its a rare occasion that I get up before the boys do).  He's more loving toward us and lets us give him more affection too.

We were at our nieces' birthday party last weekend.  That was where I saw these changes go from happening in the comfort of home to extending to other family members too.  Alexander sat on his aunts' laps.  He talked to everyone.  He even asked to stay the night like the older kids were doing.  He did great.  It just makes me happy.

He is just growing up and maturing too.  He's excited about starting kindergarten next year (I think he will be ready next year).  He is into the pleasant fours rather than the terrible threes (Threes are much worse than terrible twos in my opinion).  He is a very sweet brother to his siblings (most of the time).  When he gets himself a snack, he always gets one for Isaiah too.  He is always the first to ask if someone is OK when they fall down or cry for some reason.  He's very caring.

I love watching these changes in him.  Its the best reward of being a parent when your child does something to make you proud of them. All of my kids make me proud everyday. Maybe just to balance things out though, they argue and fuss too.  I'm sure its for my own good, my kids wouldn't want me to be too proud of them.  Its all about balance!

Me? Stubborn?

I was talking to a friend tonight about how things went in court today.  She told me she admired us for doing all this and fighting for this little boy of ours.  My response was "Thanks, but I think we just didn't know what we were getting ourselves into!". When I told Nathan about my conversation, he said, "What do you mean we didn't know, they talked a bunch in training about how these cases can go". 

I don't like to be wrong.  And I really don't like to admit when I'm wrong.  So, I'm going to take the route of, "I did know what foster care could be like, but I had to verify it for myself to make sure what I was told was actually true".  And.... its true.

We went to court today and after an anguishing few days preparing myself for it, we still don't know anything.  I knew we wouldn't have an answer today because the judge always takes several days to make a decision in a termination case.  But, maybe just to solidify my lesson on how the trainers were in fact right when they said these cases can be long, drawn out, and stressful, the second half of today's court date was continued.  CONTINUED!!  That means no decision today, no decision next week, maybe not even next month.  Its hard to say when court will be rescheduled because some of the lawyers are about to go on vacation.  And, of course they aren't all off during the same week, so that will draw this out even longer. 

So, OK, OK, I admit it.  If I didn't know before what kind of journey we were embarking on, I know it now.  I'm not stupid enough to say when its going to be over either.  I will just get back on the crazy bus and see where it takes us. 

Anyone want to make me a stiff drink?

Court was actually today... 

We have court tomorrow.  This will be the hearing to terminate parental rights for both of Isaiah's parents.  Once parental rights are terminated, we can move towards starting the adoption process.  So, tomorrow is a very important step. 

The part that makes me think about needing a new method of stress relief is the court hearing itself.  No one is positive things will go like we think they should.  I met with everyone involved including the DCS lawyer this week.  He felt like this really isn't a strong case.  He feels termination is the right step, but he isn't totally confident that the judge will grant termination.  He feels there just isn't a lot of strong evidence against the mom.  Which is true, she has been a participant in this all along, but hasn't done anything beyond participate.  There have been concrete issues such as drugs, and she has been caught in lies.  But she has never missed a visit and she is good with Isaiah during her visits.  The thing is, no one can be sure the judge will see the issues as enough to warrant termination.

I wasn't sure the lawyer would want to have me testify because I didn't know how much I would be able to contribute.  But, it turns out he is going to ask me about several things in court.  So I will have to testify.  I'm not looking forward to it.  Both parents will be in the court room, along with their lawyers, and of course the judge, and that will be it.  No one else is allowed in during these hearings.  So, that means I won't know what else has been said, how things seem to be going, nothing.  I will just go in, take the witness stand, and answer questions.  I'm hoping the parents' lawyers won't ask me much. 

We won't have the judge's decision for a few days.  He will hear all the testimony tomorrow and make a decision next week. 

If he decides termination isn't appropriate, the case will basically start over. 

So, my nerves are a bit on edge today. 

Could it be?

We finally have a new court date for TPR, September 20.  That means this case could be over in a month.  Of course, the chances of it going on longer are always there, it was supposed to be done in June.

I'm going to be so relieved when this is all done.  Its been a headache for it to go on so long, but its been also nerve racking.  I have no doubt that the dad's rights will be terminated.  But, I'm reluctant to be so confident about the mom's rights.  I'm sure it will get done, but there's always the chance that the judge will feel there isn't enough evidence to justify terminating mom's rights.  I know she can't be a full time mom, but she has a lot going for her too.  She loves Isaiah.  She is good to him during visits.  She has never missed a visit-- in two years time.  But that's not to say she's a model parent either.  She's had several positive drug screens.  She has lied about who lives with her.  She has been kicked out of drug treatment twice.  And there have been other issues come up through out the past 2 years.  So, even though I think its a cut and dry case, I'm not the judge.  Plus, my view might be somewhat skewed, I mean I have taken care of this little boy since he was a tiny baby.  He's a part of our family now.

So, hopefully this will be done next month.  Then, no more visits! We can start the adoption process!  We will be one giant step closer to having a new permanent member of our family!

I think Isaiah is going to be in foster care until he starts kindergarten! Maybe not quite that long, but that's not too much of an exaggeration.  The original court date for termination was in the beginning of June.  It was continued until August 10.  Now, it has been continued again.  The caseworker told us she thinks it will be October before we get another date.

So, if rights finally get terminated in October, we will still have to wait 6 months before we can finalize his adoption.  So that means, the earliest will be April of 2014.  Isaiah will turn 3 in April.  He came to us when he was 3 months old.

I know lots of cases go on this long, but its frustrating that now its the lawyers who are dragging this out.  Both parents have public defenders.  Both of those lawyers have asked for continuances because of schedule conflicts.  Its just frustrating. 

But it will get done eventually.  And then this little guy will be a Coe forever.

The Terrible Twos are in Full Swing!

Isaiah has discovered that he has a temper.  And, he has decided that he needs to continue trying out this temper to see what will happen.  He must feel like he hasn't perfected the art of throwing a tantrum yet because he practices frequently throughout the day. 

I know its a normal part of being two, but I hope he figures out soon that throwing a temper tantrum equals not getting what he threw the tantrum about in the first place.  I don't know how many more tantrums my sanity can calmly take. 

We still don't know for sure how being exposed to alcohol prenatally will affect him, but so far I don't think these tantrums are related to that.  His mom has said she drank throughout her pregnancy, and my guess is she used cocaine too since she has used regularly for the last 2 years, so we know he was exposed. 

The doctor has said it is a good sign that he has hit his developmental milestones within the normal range.  But, she says we could still see issues once he gets to be school age.  Hopefully not, but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

I hate to admit it, but he does do some questionable things sometimes. He is always getting himself stuck places.  He gets stuck under the kitchen chairs quite frequently! Its pretty much a daily occurrence that I hear his little voice yell "Mom! I stuck!!" followed by me trying not to laugh as I discover exactly what he's stuck in this time.  The picture below should give you a pretty good idea of what I'm dealing with!

All joking aside, and if I overlook the two year old stuff, this is a pretty awesome little boy.

Waiting, still waiting...

Things have not went as expected lately as far as Isaiah's case goes.  We were supposed to have the final hearing for the termination of parental rights last week, but it was continued due to a conflict in one of the lawyer's schedules. 

I hate when court gets continued.  I don't like going to court anyway.  But when I know its coming up, I get myself mentally prepared for it.  Then, when it gets continued, I have to go through all that again.  And, this was the worst hearing to be continued.  It would have been the last time we had to go to court with these parents.  And, afterwards, visits should have been done for good.  And, most importantly, we would have been able to get started on the adoption process.

Now, we are still doing weekly visits with the mom and still waiting on a new court date.  I'm guessing it will be about a month away.  But its hard to say for sure. 

I am surprised by this, but I think the mom is almost as ready for this to be over as I am.  She has been acting differently at the visits lately.  She doesn't try to pick up Isaiah when we get there, she hardly says hello to him, and she barely says goodbye when we leave.  It makes sense that she would start to distance herself from him at this point, its probably her way of protecting herself from all of this.  But at the same time, she knows she can end all this by voluntarily signing over her rights.  She has made it clear she won't do that though. 

There is something else going on with her, but I haven't figured out what it is yet.  She cut her hair and started wearing it a different way a couple weeks ago (after wearing it exactly the same for the 2 years I have known her).  She has also been wearing new clothes and shoes (after wearing worn out things all this time).  And some different furniture has appeared in her apartment.  So, money is coming from somewhere.  And she doesn't have a job. I don't know if its a new boyfriend or a new money making venture (we know she has done prostitution in the past), or family could be sending money, who knows.  I'm so thankful visits are supervised!

But, even though we don't know when it will be yet, there is an end in sight. So, we will all continue to muddle through until court happens.