Our Foster Chapter is Over!

We have had so many congratulations these past few weeks.  Finalizing Isaiah's adoption was awesome for sure.  But, at the same time, it didn't really mean any changes accept for paperwork, so life feels pretty much the same.  Isaiah has been a part of our family since he was a baby.

There have been times when I thought he would go back to his biological mom through this, and knowing he is here to stay is a relief.  A part of me feels for his mom still though.  She is a nice person and has so much potential to be a good parent.  I also know that she was given great support and motivation to get clean and she continued to choose other things over her son.  And, I know that she made these choices fully knowing that the result would he loosing her son permanently.   Still, it's a bittersweet thing to be be happy about adding a child when it means someone else has lost them.

All that being said, I am so grateful for all the congratulations we have gotten recently.  Isaiah is a very loved and lucky little boy.

We have decided to withdraw our foster license now that Isaiah is adopted.  It was a pretty easy decision, I mean 4 kids is really enough!  But Nathan and I both want to foster older children once ours are much older.  There is such a need for homes for older children and we both feel we can help with that.

Over the past 5 years, so many people have made comments to us about how they could never be foster parents.  It has to be, by far, the most common comment we hear.  I wish people didn't see foster care that way.  Yes, you are taking another child into your home.  Yes, you "get attached" to them.  Yes, they may go back home.  But think of the good you are doing during the time these kids are in your home.   Doesn't every child deserve to have a good home, whether that's with a biological parent, foster parent, or adoptive parent?  Doesn't every child deserve to know what it means to have healthy relationships with others?  Isn't raising any child difficult and challenging at times?  Being a parent is hard.  Being a foster parent is hard.  But both are worthwhile and rewarding jobs.  Is being a foster parent the right thing for everyone?  No.  But neither is being a parent.  Neither is being a teacher, or an accountant, or a farmer.  We are all different and have different strengths and different interests.  But I think if more people knew what being a foster parent entailed, they wouldn't be so skeptical about it.  Are some foster kids challenging? Of course they are.  They have been abused or neglected, or otherwise influenced by adults who are making poor decisions.  Is parenting these children easy? No, of course not.  But life isn't easy and accepting challenges, especially challenges that help others, is very rewarding.

The other comment we get is that adopting is too expensive.  The response to that is very easy.  We have had no cost to adopt from foster care.  None.  In fact, each child who is considered special needs, meaning they are over two years old or part of a sibling group, qualifies for a monthly stipend until they turn 18.  They also get medicaid until they are 18, so there isn't even any medical costs for these kids.  So, cost is not a factor when adopting from foster care.

Our time as foster parents has been an education to both of us.  We have seen into the lives of people who live very different from us.  We have learned a lot from those people too.  We have had two boys live with us for 3 months and 2 years, then return home to their families. We have had another two boys come into our home and become permanent members of our family.   Our family has grown through the greatest way possible, love.

We are happy to be finished with caseworker visits (no offense caseworkers!), done with court, no more visitations, done with therapist and case manager visits, finished with the uncertainty of wondering if one of our kids would stay or go home.  But, we are thankful we had those experiences too.

If anyone ever has any questions about adoption through foster care or about foster care itself, Nathan and I are always happy to answer them.  We love talking about fostering and our experiences.

Happy New Year from the Coe's!

Long time, No post

I haven't written a post for a while because I haven't really had anything to report.

But this week, we learned a little but of information about Isaiah's case.  We knew the termination of parents' rights had been appealed by the parents' lawyers.  We were told the appeal should take at least 6 months and could stretch out as long as 9-12 months.  Most times, appeals are not won and the termination stays in place meaning the child (Isaiah) would be available for adoption.  

There really aren't any updates during this process.  We don't really have the details, but as best as we can tell, our case sits in someone's office waiting for the appeal committee to get to it.  I'm sure they have quite a few cases to deal with and I would imagine the people on this committee have many other responsibilities besides sitting on the appeals committee.  

But, this week we did learn that the committee is reviewing our case currently.  The only way we are able to know that much was because the committee requested more information from the caseworker about some details of the court proceedings.  It seems there was a detail overlooked in the dad's case.   This case has went through two caseworkers (the first one being fairly incompetent resulting in her being fired) and while the first caseworker was on the case, she made a mistake.  Thankfully, our second caseworker knows more about her job and is much more thorough.  She found this mistake and addressed it as best as she could with the help of DCS's attorney.  Hopefully their efforts will be enough for the appeal committee to feel the dad was treated fairly and under proper procedures.
But, its possible the committee could decide this mistake is enough to warrant overturning the termination of dad's rights.  If that were to happen, the dad's case would start from the beginning again.  He would have to be offered services like counseling and possibly visits (if he jumped through several hoops first).  I don't think he would participate enough for anything to happen like visits, but it's scary to think that possibility is there.  The caseworker would have to wait 6 months and then she could refile termination.

The caseworker was confident that things will go smoothly in the mom's case and termination will be upheld.

So, this could be a bump in the road, or things could sail on through smoothly.  Hopefully we will have an answer one way or another in the next few weeks.

I'm beginning to see a pattern here...

We had some great news a few weeks ago, termination was granted on both parents on May 16.  We have been waiting the mandatory 30 days to allow the parents time to file appeals.  I didn't think they would do that because it would be one more step they had to take.

But, I got an email today saying appeals have been filed.  Now the case will go before a new judge who will review everything and decide if termination should still be granted or if it wasn't necessary to begin with.  If he decides termination of parental rights isn't the best decision, the case basically starts over.  From my understanding, everything that has happened so far is basically sealed in a file and new evidence has to be gathered.

The thought of going back to visits and having to wait for the parents to make enough mistakes for rights to be terminated again is not a pleasant thought.

I am told that most times the original ruling is upheld during an appeal.  Let's hope that's the case.  Either way, it will be about 6 months before a decision is made.  The good news is nothing changes during this 6 months.  No visits, no court dates, no team meetings.

Still patiently waiting

Our caseworker came for her monthly visit earlier this week.  She needs to see Isaiah once a month and is supposed to see him in our home every two months.  Since he no longer has visits, she has to come to our house each time now.

Anyway, I was hoping she might have some information on the progress of the termination case.  She did have some information, but it wasn't really what I was hoping to hear.  She said the DCS attorney hasn't submitted his report to the judge yet.  I was hopeful we would have the judge's decision this week or so, but until that report is submitted, the judge can't make a ruling.

Technically, the attorneys have 30 days to submit their reports.  Court was April 5, so the 30 days isn't up until next week.  The caseworker said that they have been swamped with these cases and she knows the attorney is behind on getting these reports in.  To make matters more complicated, there are three attorneys working on separate reports (one for each parent and one for DCS).  So if just one lawyer is behind, the whole case stays on hold.  Once the reports are in, the judge has 30 days to make a decision.  Even though there are time limits set, I doubt there are any type of consequences for exceeding them.

I am anxious to get this case over with, but honestly, since visits have stopped it's not so bad waiting.  Since we aren't going to visits any more, it feels like we are a normal family now.  But, I also remember the relief I felt once we finalized Alexander's adoption.   We will get there!

Now we wait....

Friday was a big day.  15 months after the caseworker asked for termination of parental rights to be granted, the hearing to accomplish that finally took place.  We won't have an answer from the judge for a few days or weeks, but everyone is pretty confident it will happen.  From what I've heard (we couldn't sit in on the hearing) things went well during court.  Hopefully we will know something soon.  We will be contacting our adoption attorney soon and she will start getting things ready so we can move things along once we hear that parental rights have been terminated. 
I'm so ready to have this all done and final!  Isaiah has been a part of our loves for so long, its time to make it official. 

The new date for termination of parental rights (TPR) is now April 4.  We won't be at that hearing because I already testified at the hearing back in August (the first half of TPR).  During this type of trial, no one is allowed to be in the court room except for the person testifying and the parents and lawyers.  I don't think spreading TPR out over 8 months is typical, but it is what it is.

We had a review hearing back in January.  Review hearings are automatically scheduled every six months in these cases.  It seemed silly that we could get into court for a hearing to say we were waiting on the rest of TPR, but the actual termination hearing couldn't take place.  But, I guess that's the court system for you.  The good thing about that hearing was we got a chance to tell the judge that we were seeing behavior issues in Isaiah which we felt were a result of visits.  The caseworker also reported that the mom's drug screens are still being positive for cocaine.  With all that being said, the judge said visits were to stop until the mom passed three consecutive drug screens. 

Honestly, I think the hearing made the judge see just how long this case had been going on.  And it reminded him it was his fault that it hadn't been ended. 

Whatever the case, visits are stopped and we are happy with that.  Our sweet boy is coming back and the tantrums and hitting are returning to a normal toddler level.  :)

On another topic, we finally decided it was time to attempt potty training with Isaiah.  It has went much smoother than I expected.  He's doing a great job!  He's so proud of himself for wearing his big boy underwear.

Alexander is doing awesome.  He has been so sweet and happy over the last few months.  It really is amazing to me how we can still be seeing changes in him after two years. 

Court was delayed again!

Nathan says I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was.  About an hour before court was supposed to start, I got an email saying court was being continued because the judge was out and would be until the end of the year.  One of the lawyers is out all of January.  So, this court date that was first scheduled in June, may happen in February.  But again, that isn't set into stone.  There isn't a specific date set yet and as we have been shown over and over, having a date on the docket doesn't mean anything will actually happen. 

I asked if visits could at least be reduced if this case is going to be drug on longer.  I haven't gotten an answer yet, but I think something is in the works.  Visits are still not going smoothly and are getting worse as this goes along. 

On a great note, yesterday marked one year since we finalized Alexander's adoption!  I can't believe its been a year already.  But at the same time, he's such a big part of our family that I can't believe its only been a year.